Reading on the Toilet

i'm a work in progress

2008-05-21T22:37:00.003-05:00

I finally watched the newer version of "A Raisin in the Sun" this evening with my future mommy-in-law and, I must say, it was touching and inspiring and all that gold jazz. In short, I highly recommend it. At its television premiere months back, I managed to miss it because I'm such a scholastic and actually go to class at night. But it got me to thinking about what I manage to put ahead in my life and what I perceive as important values to preserve. And currently reading "The Secret" doesn't help, either.

I know I moan about going to work, but work is how to survive, and has been for generations of black people. You put pride into your work, and you do your job with the utmost humility and joy because there are so many of my people out there who are disabled and cannot work; who are blind and cannot see to work; who are wrongfully incarcerated and...well, you know. My mother cannot find a job, for goodness sake, at age 40 and with "too much experience." And once I do find that position in which I would work for free out of so much passion and desire to do my job, I will crave and nurture it. For now, I will be a security guard and smile and tackle people to the ground with grace. J/K!

Money is not in the equation for me. Having money is nice, but money is the root of all evil, and I refuse to make the pursuit of money a part of my demise or, in the least, make me insane. My Johnny and I know that happiness is the biggest goal of our lives, even though it sounds cliche, but we really treasure our goal and work to achieve it every day. Yes, I'm serious. If I'm honoring life, as God ordained it, He will provide me with all the money I need.

And another thing: I vow to positively drag good things from the universe into my days. Reading "The Secret" has helped me tame my negative thinking into its more positive counterpart, and I'm trying my best not to wish bad things upon the person who cuts in front of me while driving, and the white lady who runs to walk in front of me into the building or get ahead of me at the grocery store, and the people who don't say "thank you" when I hold the door open for them. Ok, well, not always, but I'm a work in progress! Lord, help me now. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

out-there-ness

2008-05-15T18:42:00.005-05:00

I just read on the the wondrous site for oddly gratifying information that is my MSN homepage the headline, "Girl's twin is found inside her stomach." I immediately chuckle, not because of the misfortune of a Greek 9-year-old, but because of a similar mention in one of my favorite movies. More on that in a sec...

MSN: "A 9-year-old girl who went to the hospital in central Greece suffering from stomach pains was found to be carrying her embryonic twin, doctors said Thursday. 'They could see on the right side that her belly was swollen, but they couldn't suspect that [a] tumor would hide an embryo,' hospital director Iakovos Brouskelis said. Andreas Markou, head of the hospital's pediatric department, said the embryo was a formed fetus with a head, hair and eyes, but no brain or umbilical cord. Markou said cases where one of a set of twins absorbs the other in the womb occurs in one of 500,000 live births."

Isn't that news of the weird, or what? And, supposedly, I was a twin some 23 years ago. So I absorbed my other half? I no like that. :-( Makes me squeamish.

But the occurrence reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Toula's "crazy" aunt (we all have those) sat down her niece's fiancee's parents, upon first meeting, and went right in about a lump in the side of her neck and the fact that in the lump was her twin. "They found teeth and a spinal cord." You gotta see it to laugh at it! (And she's Greek, too! ha ha! It's in the accent! ha! It's...ok. I'll let it go now.)

In other news of the weird today, well known Atlantan YouTube celebrity "Soulja Girl" (or "ATL Hoodrat") has been put in jail for harassing Marta passengers. Supposedly, the girl was already on probation for spitting on a Marta employee some time ago. The girl's mother says she's bipolar, basically justifying the girl's "out-there-ness" shown in the YouTube capture. So, if you know your daughter is on probation for acting up on Marta and she's bipolar, why is she still riding Marta without you, mom? Come on!

[I honestly think this lunatic has been posted on everyone's blog for the past week or so!]

Have you ever seen the headline, "Man steals ATM with a forklift?" Not until Bush was in office! Hard times, ladies and gents. Hard times.

Other MSN headlines as of 8 p.m. today: "Best jobs for a recession." "Hollywood P.I. convicted of racketeering." "Tonya Harding tells her story." Rough stuff.

recap of my time gone

2008-05-14T17:32:00.005-05:00

Good morning, America! A lot has happened since my last entry upon my mostly-neglected-but- nevertheless-yearned-for blog. I have also grown so much in the maturation of my beloved toilet reading. I currently have a decent rent-paying job, am officially full-steam-ahead into my master's, hold a great writing internship, and am still in love and am loved [cue the "awww's"].

In case you missed it from the past 9 months: Jenna announced her engagement to Henry, bless Daddy Bush's heart. (No, really, Bush's heart is in the shape of an atomic bomb, but I'm trying to be nice here because he's almost out of office...no, f*** that...gas is $3.70! F*** Bush!). Beauty pageants are, indeed, still truly hated (as are dumb blondes and such as Iraq and education in South Africa). O.J. was arrested again. White people are still missing from hiking trails (and why do you think I won't even walk in a garden, let alone a woodsy trail?!). More Spears rears her ugly head, enough said. The Hollywood writers strike...f*** you, pay me. We've had iPhone, Dr. Phil, Miley Cyrus, and Wesley Snipes, all newly exposed, for lack of better word.

We've had little people, more Lindsey, rapper arrests, Idol fever, Flav craze, celebrity pregnancies (and everybody had twins), the birth of super Internet stars (and their own funky reality shows), more deaths by bodily chemical malfunctions, recession and economy woes, freaky government officials (and the call girls who love them), environmental talk, game shows revisited, fat people, 8 more Will Ferrell movies, the "other F word," rehab, the Amy Winehouse meltdown (and I do loooove her cd!), kids beating the sh** out of each other at school (and shooting it up later), and Iggy-gate. And, no, the earth is not flat, black-lady-whose-name-does-not-matter-but-not-Whoopi-from-The-View.

All of this to say, I'm back, America! Stay tuned!

what the hell: keira, kate, star

2007-08-10T14:50:00.000-05:00

Here are my girls for this Friday's edition of "What the Hell Happened?" who have gone "too skinty" for our weight-obssessed society. What in the hell did they not eat? We know Star's story. Bad gastro surgery. They took a bit too much fat off of her body. Kate and Keira are living off of air, the poor babies.

But life does go on for the rest of us fat people.

Pass the taters. Happy weekend!

GOD works

2007-08-08T10:01:00.001-05:00

As Barry Bonds became the new home run king, I was rejoicing that I've finally gotten a grip on my life and where it's moving. Some months ago, I was venting about my lack of control over my job and how I wanted to exorcise my boss. Actually, my very first blog was of my pain in my position. Since then, I've had failed job interviews and times when I just walked out of my office in frustration. And I figured, God wants me to learn something from my job, and I'm not listening because he hasn't blessed me with another one yet. So, I vowed to listen...and have been doing so for the past month now. And office life has gotten a lot better. My boss is rarely here and, when she is, she's cordial in the least, and sits in her own office and listens to her music. No forced communications. If she needs something, she asks and not demands. I'm happy running the office my way. It's all good.

And my blessing came yesterday.

Someone called me from a job I applied to and had an interview for in March. Yes, 5 months ago. I had let the job possibility go after 1 month of no-hear.

They had actually hired a woman who had quit recently, so I'm guessing I was the next best thing. [Actually, the woman had worked for the company owner in a previous job, so she got it out of default. I was the better woman!] ha!

It's a part-time position, 16 hours a week, where I'll be managing the office of the security company my boyfriend works for. I'll be pretty much doing everything I do everyday anyway, with the addition of filing and a bit more organizing. And a lot better scenery! I will keep my day job and go to that job 4 hours Tuesday through Friday, and still go to school on Monday nights.

I'll have my foot and leg all in the door when the position becomes full-time. Then, they want to make me HR Manager.

It's funny how God works, right?

Did I mention I'll be starting in a double-digit wage?

Thank you, Jesus! I won't let you down!

trevor [sarcastically]: um, where were you this whole time, roberto?

2007-08-07T12:40:00.000-05:00

Busta Rhymes has been sued by a man who alleges the rapper and his crew beat him after he spit on one of their cars. [emphasis mine] In the lawsuit filed Monday in Manhattan state Supreme Court, Roberto LeBron, 20, charged that he was kicked in the head after an encounter with Rhymes and his nine bodyguards in August 2006. Rhymes' attorney, Scott Leemon, said he hadn't seen the lawsuit.

blah, blah...

The 35-year-old rapper, whose real name is Trevor Smith, faces trial for allegedly assaulting a fan after an Aug. 12, 2006, performance... (Was the man in a coma for a year, or what...?)

Emphasis mine, again. Does Busta look like his name is Trevor?!

Yeah, I know. That's a serious charge, and all I care about is one thing. Things I still don't know...

But I love it. Rappers who don't match their names.

Is Busta on drugs? What happened to him? Anybody? Feel free to answer!

Oh, and blog family, I have a new job! It's part-time and super-flexible, so I'll be able to dictate my career without it masterminding me. I'll tell you all about it later.

what the hell happened to michelle, kelly, and rosie? you thought I was gon' say "beyonce," huh?

2007-08-03T21:20:00.000-05:00

I remember that I hadn't done my "What the Hell Happened" posting today, so I'll do it now. It's 3 hours until Saturday. I've got time. Here are some women who have lost their damn minds.

Michelle Rodriguez. The only other picture I had seen of her, besides this one, was her covered in white face paint. Pretty scary stuff. And pretty nuts. I guess this is your brain on drugs. The career is going so well, too. Let's get it together, sista, and make that money.

Kelly Osborne looks like a walking corpse, especially with the black wig. Damn. This is the epitome of "What the Hell Happened?" Homegirl needs to drop 40 pounds, get a new weave, a good tan, and fire her makeup artist. Then I could work with her. Right now she just looks like she belongs in the Thriller video.

It all went downhill with Rosie when she was actively feuding with rich-ass Donald Trump. Then, she quit The View. Rosie's life is apparently in shambles. We're sure to see more eye-scalding and unflattering pictures of her to come. Rosie just needs some good dick. It'll do it for you. But, there's no hope there. Plus, who would bang her? lol

Happy Weekend!!

my top 20 most irritating and/or angering driving habits

2007-08-02T11:50:00.000-05:00

20. Bumper Sticker Hounds. This isn't really a driving habit, but you've seen the cars. I understand that someone is political and they have their "Vote for Bush" stickers or their "F Bush" stickers. I'll take one or two, read them, and keep driving. I'll even take cleverly-phrased bumper stickers like, "In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned," or even "My student will whip your honor student's ass." I like those. But it gets to be a big distraction, and a little too much, when your car looks like it came straight from Woodstock. Rainbows and "Codism" stickers and glitter flowers and pictures of ice cream do not belong on the back of your car. Even if you're driving a 1960s Volkswagon van. Why do you even want to draw attention to yourself (or your old ass car) like that? Stickers are for children. And children are not supposed to legally drive. Except Sean Preston and Jayden James Spears-Federline, but that's an entirely different story.

19. Perverted truck drivers. Women know what I mean. I'm at a traffic light, all peaceful and willy nilly, and this big ole' tractor trailer truck pulls up beside me. It could actually even be anything bigger than my baby Focus, and not necessarily a tractor trailer. I look over, and he's staring down into my lap, or trying to see down my turtleneck. What! I feel so violated. I don't even have on a skirt, perv! Some have even tooted their air horn at me. Are you serious?! I usually try to inch forward, or just take off when the light turns green.

18. Profilers. Your favorite words are "bling bling," "cha-ching," or "Bitch, where my money?" If you're making good money in sales or something, good for you! By all means, you can floss in that Benz or Dodge Magnum and look at me like I'm gum on the bottom of your alligators. I'm not going to be too far behind you. But if I know (and we all know) that you slinging something illegal, and trying to look me up and down because you're in a Lexus and I'm driving my baby Focus, you need to quit. I'm not impressed by your car. All women are not enthralled by nice cars, especially when I'm highly off the market, as far as dating goes. So you can take your Hummer 2 that guzzles $80 of gas every couple of days, and drive on. And like Kanye said, "Even if you in a Benz, you still a Nigger. In a Coup."

17. The Bernie Mac-eyed Onlookers. Okay, so what's your problem? Why are you gawking at me from behind the glass in your car? Do I look familiar? Do I look so fabulous? And why aren't you blinking? People scare me when they stare at me while driving anyway, so I usually don't look at anything but the road in front of me or my cd player. FYI: Children are the worst. I'll flick your kid off. I was taught that staring was rude.

16. Cop Car Scaredy Cats. A cop just so happens to pull up at the light across from where I'm sitting. And the person in front of me refuses to go through the green light faster than 5 mph. Or a cop is on the highway, coming up from behind me. The people in front of me slam all on their brakes and literally have panic attacks. Bitch, he's not clocking you if he's trying to pass you! Stop braking like you're crazy! It's called "taking your foot off the gas." You were only going 55, anyway, so what are you afraid of? I get behind the cop car and tag along. At least he's going the speed limit.

15. Bicyclers. Now, if I had a good bike that I could ride, instead of burning the gas in the car, I would. And I understand that we all must share the road. But do we have to share at 8:30 a.m., when everyone is racing to work, or 5:30 p.m., when everyone is racing home? Especially in Atlanta, there is always a speed bicycler flying down the middle of the street at 5.8 mph, followed by a pack tight with 25 SUVs. And then people are speeding around the bicycler, and you can't get over, and it's a mess! My nerves are too bad for that crap, and I can just see somebody getting hit on their bike. So, I need you bicycle folks to move over. And stop swerving into traffic and around cars! You gon' get your ass hit one day!

14. Constant Date-Seekers. Why are you trying to holla when you can't see me from my chest down? I'm in a short little car, and you're wildly gesturing for me to roll down my window. And I don't let my window down. If it is down, I roll it up. No, I don't want your number. I have two peg legs and a kickstand, for all you know. Concentrate on driving (or passengering) and leave me be! This also applies to you beggars! No, I don't have a quarter for you ass, so stop asking me every night!

13. Deaf Bass-Blowers. I'm listening to my Kem or Maxwell, and here you come up behind me, all rattling bass from your trunk. I know you can't think like that, let alone drive! It's usually all those old, beat-up cars, too. They make my car shake and distract my Maxwell aura. You deaf ass. Not impressive. Definitely not cute.

12. Driving in Pairs. I'm in rush-hour traffic, and here are two cars, riding directly beside each other. At 55 mph, exactly. And I can't get into the left lane to move around the one in front of me because that's what everyone behind me is doing. Do you not see a car to your right, and 80 cars crammed behind the two of you? Personally, if I look over and see someone driving right beside me, and there's frustrated drivers trying to get around me, I speed up like hell and get over in front of the other slower vehicle. It's just common courtesy to me. Plus, if there's a cop up ahead, I wouldn't get caught first, now would I?

11. Non-Brake Lighters. Where are your brake lights?! I guess a person wouldn't really know if their lights were out unless someone else tells them, but most of the time, you know those lights are out! I'm forced to rely on the person in front of the person with no brake lights in front of me. If they slow down, I know the non-brake lighter has to slow down, so I'm guessing I should brake soon myself. And it would be my fault if I hit you in the back. Please get them replaced. I installed my own, and I'm a girly girl! Don't be cheap. Cheap isn't sexy. At all.

10. Farmer John and Company. Now, I live in the South. And I know that there are some very rural areas outside of the city that are just "down-home," drive the 25-year-old truck with the chickens in the back, or whatnot. But if you didn't know, Jim Bob, then I'm telling you now! Rush hour in the Big City is about 7 am to 10 am in the mornings, and 4 pm to 7 pm in the evenings. The Big City also contains lots of hills and curves, so your car must be in some shape. So, if your truck cannot go faster than 40 mph, and you're in one of the 8 lanes of the Atlanta Motor Speedway, please avoid those times. You will get run over. You and Sally Sue Ellen. Thank you.

9. Sporadic and Frequent Lane Switchers. I see Batman's car come from behind me, switch two lanes over ot the left at 80 mph, squeeze in front of the car in front of me (causing crazy braking madness), and just barely makes it off the right-side exit 10 feet from us. You're an ass. Why do all that? It's traffic, and if we all gotta sit here, you shouldn't feel obligated that you don't have to. No one is an expert driver. This includes anyone who drives in Nascar. Quit it! Especially you...

8. Angry 17-year-old Drivers a.k.a. Speedy Gonzales Racers. If you see the light is red, why are you still coming towards me and traveling at 100 mph on a residential road? It's usually the young kids who can't keep their feet off the gas pedal and, sadly, especially those members of my woman species. Let's slow it down to about 80 next time. Hey! I speed too, but I know when not to. There's traffic in front of me, so stop getting all close to my bumper, like I can push the car in front of me out of the way. And I'm not racing you, either, so no need to waste all that gas taking off like a bat outta hell. Get some counseling for your anger issues.

Bonus: Timmy Caucasian, Karen European, and YourNameHere WhitePerson. The newsstory said you were such wonderful members of the human race. Lots of family, friends, and a fulfilling, high-paying job. "I can't believe he's gone." "She was always so joyful and giving." It's a shame how you were going 100 mph, wearing no seatbelt, drunk as a skunk, in a police chase, causing a 10-car pileup, on the wrong side of the street, and how you ran into that tree and died. Damn. My point exactly. We see it everyday. So, I'll spell it. S-L-O-W-D-O-W-N.

7. Rubberneckers. Sure, it's okay to look over at a true incident and think, "God, that's awful. I'm glad it wasn't me!" Two second glance is all, and keep it moving. It's absolutely not okay to slam on brakes and whatnot to be all nosy at someone getting a ticket, or of an incident truck just sitting over there on the shoulder by itself. Stop being so damn nosy, and drive, bitches! Traffic is getting backed up pretty quickly. If it has nothing to do with you, your well being, or your car, keep driving, crazy!

6. Thick White Line Ignorers. I can't scream this loud enough. STOP COMING IN ON ME! There's a white or yellow line there for a reason, dumb ass! Pay attention! I have to blow my horn at someone almost every day who feel like the line doesn't apply to them. And some keep on coming in on me, forcing me to slam on my brakes to avoid getting side-swipped. Yes, I have a little car, but it's black as all hell! Especially out-of-towners. Read the map before you start driving, or designate a reliable map-reading passenger. If you're getting ready to miss your exit, too bad! Get off at the next one, and spin around! No one should be put in danger because you're ignorant, or don't know where the hell you're going!

5. Horn Blowers. Can I please have time to visually and mentally react to the green light before you blow your horn all loud in my ear?! In Atlanta, the light can be on the verge of turning green, and people will blow their horns. Better yet, the light across would have just turned red, and they already blow their horns to anticipate our light being green. It's freakin' outrageous! I've seen people blow their horns for no reason at all. Some people don't need them at all. Horns make me want to choke someone. Namely the person that tapped it. I hate car horns! Leave me alone before I sit at the green light, just to spite you! Yeah, I can be immature like that.

4. Cell Phone Gabbers. Not to say that I don't drive and talk on my phone, but driving is my top priority. I have paused and/or put my phone down in the middle of conversation numerous times before to manuever around cars or whatnot. But the people who talk and sit at green lights, or hold up traffic, or seem way too distracted on their phones need to give it up. In my experience, men have been the worst driver-talkers because most men generally cannot multitask like that. Oh, and one more scenario that burns me up. If the person in front of me is on the phone and looking for something in the backseat, and the cars in front of them have been gone through the green light, why are we still sitting still? Then, the talker looks up suddenly, flies through the yellow light, and leaves me steaming at the red light to have to wait until the light cycles around again. You're lucky I couldn't catch up with you. Oooo! Get off the phone!

3. Elder Left-Lane Huggers. Now, I love my older people. But ya'll shouldn't be on the highway at 5 pm, especially in the left lanes. Period. Weren't your children supposed to advise you on that, or something? 'Cause I know that my parents will not be on the highway in rush hour traffic when they're 80, that's for sure. Their reaction time is off and everything. Even if they bitch and moan. Because it's completely frustrating to us younger drivers who do not know the the speed limit used to be 45 mph on the highway, and that there were only 2 lanes. That's not the case now. Wait until later, or move over! Better yet, start off in the right lane. You won't have to worry about getting over down the road.

2. Habitual Brake Slammers. This can go hand-in-hand with my elder drivers. Those who drive like "us," but brake at the last possible second, causing a domino effect of brake slamming. You know how the back of your car lifts up when you brake too hard? I do that, at least, once a day. My nerves are too bad for all that! And I'm scared to death that, one day, I'll set off my air bag. Didn't they teach you to brake gradually? If they didn't, they should have! And if you were taught how to drive when horse and buggies were hot, or when there weren't brakes on cars, you shouldn't be driving. At all.

1. The scariest and most irritating driving habit of them all: Psycho tractor trailer drivers. You see them, especially in Atlanta, going 95 and passing you, like you're standing still and they're on a motorcycle. Or the worst: When they accelerate and come up to your bumper all fast and actually blow their horns, or make that loud, vibrating braking noise to let you know that, yes, they just might run you slam over. Talk about rude! I'm scared to Jesus of those trucks. I mean, if they run over my baby Focus with me in it, death becomes of me. How's my driving? Psycho, you ass! Slow the "F" down!

on a 3rd day, the world goes to hell...?

2007-08-01T09:16:00.000-05:00

Is there a reason why movie makers chose the summer of 2007 to release all "third-quels?" It's the summer of the third movie! Shrek 3, Spiderman 3, Rush Hour 3, The Bourne Ultimatum (following The Bourne Identity and The Bourne Supremacy), Ocean's Thirteen (following Eleven and Twelve), Resident Evil 3: Extinction (to be released September 21)...I'm not sure what's going on in the world, but I think they know something about a link between "2007" and "3" that we don't know...?

In any case, the world is going to hell anyway. Check out these WORDLESS reasons why (in addition to reading past blogs I've posted).

so, whose dick should be shot off?

2007-07-31T08:21:00.000-05:00

I'm disgusted this early Tuesday morning to find that, indeed, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds are engaged. Big ring and all. http://www.eurweb.com/story/eur35462.cfm
The reason why I'm disgusted is far-reaching. (A) Eddie cheated on his gorgeous wife, perhaps numerous times. Even recently, he made his seventh baby with ex-Spice Girl Melanie Brown, and still has not publicly fessed up to the fact that the baby girl is his. Who wants a man who cannot take care of his responsibilities and claim his children? Apparently, Tracey does. (B) Eddie just divorced his wife in April, barely a year ago, after a lengthy marriage. Tracey was married 13 years before her divorce from Babyface, which was finalized when? One month ago?! And they've been dating 10 months or so...? And this is gonna work because why...? (C) Eddie isn't making enough money to support 9 children! 6 "real," 1 "illegitimate," and 2 "steps." His last good movie was what...? And when...? And Shrek doesn't count!

Stars are funny. They claim that them and their partners were having marital "troubles" before the public knew about it. A divorce was "pending" anyway for months. Blah, blah, blah. And I definitely believe that this could be true, and that the public doesn't need to be all up in your business all the time. But now, we're really gonna bite into you because you look really stupid. Come on, Trace! You're too beautiful to be so dumb! What's wrong with just dating? You gotta plan another wedding, too, for the end of the year?

What's it called? "Serial monogamy?" Serial monogamy is characterized by a series of long-term, exclusive sexual relationships entered into consecutively over the lifespan. This behavior is a variant of monogamy, in which a given individual has only one sexual partner throughout life. This behavior is sometimes referred to as a form of, or replacement for, polygamy. However, this practice inherently excludes the practice of having multiple simultaneous sexual partners. Thanks, Wikipedia.

--> I predict that (A) they will break up before they get down the aisle, or (B) they'll be divorced within a year after their wedding. I can seriously bet on that with a straight face, and I'm not a gambler. You can do better, Tracey. This has got to be a dick thing. Eddie must be packing extraordinarily because it's pretty nasty and complicated.

"The news comes just days after Murphy denied suggestions that they were engaged, when Tracey was spotted with a diamond on her ring finger at an LA movie premiere. At that point, Murphy said: "No, this isn't an engagement ring. If I were gonna do an engagement ring, it would be much bigger." He asked Edmonds to marry him just two days later.

'Tracey and Eddie were engaged last Wednesday,' Edmonds' assistant told E! News. 'Tracey and Eddie are both very much in love and are excited about spending the rest of their lives together.' Representatives for Murphy, who is the father of Melanie Brown's baby Angel Iris Murphy Brown, have refused to comment on the story."

And I once was an Eddie Murphy fan.

well, i liked 'em.

2007-07-30T09:16:00.000-05:00

This weekend, I rented two movies (ahem, box office bombs) that I hadn't seen before. They were different, yet resonated with me in very cool and intelligent ways.

The first movie was Premonition, starring Sandra Bullock. It was in the movie theaters a few months ago, and it didn't gross much, so it's now on DVD. If I had to rate it, I would give the movie 4 stars for psychological thriller-enthusiasts like myself; 5 stars for weirdos; and 3.5 for the intelligencia. What I liked was that the plot was intricately planned, and that the movie was intentionally set to throw you off and confuse the hell out of you. I had to honestly watch the special features on creating the film to understand what was going on and why. Without giving away too much of the plot, I'll simply compare it to those time-warped, suspenseful movies like The Sixth Sense with Bruce Willis and Deja Vu with Denzel Washington. It fits right into it's genre, and is pretty good--if you can get through the sometimes sappy love and family scenes. The only down side is that I'm still somewhat confused about it. Maybe I'm just being slow. And that's not surprising.

The second movie was Spike Lee's She Hate Me. I'm not sure when it came out, but talk about your freaky sense gone wild! If you have never heard of it, the movie circles this professional black man who gets involved with some wealthy lesbians in a way-less-than-conventional way. That's the most I can say without giving the movie away! I'd rate it as a 5 for the intelligencia; 5 for the freaks; and a 2 for conservatives. There's a lot of sex, but Spike makes a big splash with his larger-than-life messages on stuff that just sucks in society. I understood that he was speaking on the black family structure; homosexual and heterosexual love; casual sex and human conception; corruption in big time businesses; institutionalized racism...shoot, I guess I'm smart, but it's apparent. It was good, though. J and I laughed a lot through it because Spike Lee is a crazy genius. Him and his camera angles and whatnot. I found myself asking if it could really happen, but I was nonetheless enthralled and thrilled. I recommend it, except if you're thoroughly close-minded. Or work at Enron.

eight incredibly random things about me

2007-07-27T13:40:00.000-05:00

1. “Red juice" gives me a hangover. Or should I say, strawberry, cherry, raspberry, fruit punch, or any flavor consisting of a mix of these. That includes Kool-aid, Fruitopia, or any other beverage of a reddish consistency. Upon ingestion, I get really hyper and will laugh at anything. A few hours later, I crash and develop a headache. Crazy, right? But it’s true, I tell you!

2. My favorite author and I share the same birthday. Tayari Jones/November 30. I also share my birthday with my boyfriend’s oldest nephew and a god-sister.

3. I am the oldest daughter, the oldest granddaughter, and the oldest great-granddaughter on my mother’s father’s side and my mother’s mother’s side. It isn’t always being the oldest and having to go through things “first.” You gotta break the parents in. You become the role model. You get in trouble first. It’s so much pressure! Oldest kids can attest to this!

4. I have a long list of rational and irrational fears. They include (not necessarily in order) death, flying, squirrels, “broken” elevators, big ole’ hairy spiders, lightning, fire, drowning, birds, demons, high bridges, "what if" factors, crazy homeless people, black ice, Bloody Mary, my brakes giving out, the unknown, and the fact that the earth is warming up with me on it.

5. I was fired from my very first job. I worked at a Cinemark movie theater for a year, almost to the day. I moved from the concession stand to the box office after about six months and a 15 cent raise, which I thought was great at 16. (Ha!) Obviously, I wasn’t good because I kept getting written up for a short drawer. (I now know that I kept giving cash refunds to credit card customers. A Big No-No. But, it was something they didn’t teach me coming from the concession stand, where all I had to worry about was cup and popcorn refills.) One day, I went into the break room, and I had no hours on the schedule. (Me and about three other people, I might add.) They called me in and, sure enough, I was let go for too many write-ups. It was gay because I never did receive my one-year pin. I boo-hooed something terrible that day. A month later, I moved to Atlanta to go to Spelman. Bitches.

6. I prefer “older” music over all this new mess. In my 200+ cd collection, I have plenty of Luther, Teddy P, Donny Hathaway, Silk, Brownstone, Mariah (when “Carey” was still on the end), SWV, Toni Braxton, Boyz II Men, and Jodeci, just to name a few. I loooove 80's and 90’s music! I can't forget to mention Gloria Gaynor, Heatwave, The Average White Band, The Art of Noise...shoooot! I’d pop in a Zhane or Jade album in a second over some Beyonce and Keyshia Cole! I must add that I graduated from high school in 2002 and from college last May. People don’t realize how “young” I am. I guess I just have an older spirit!

7. My mother is 16 years, 4 months, and 9 days older than me. You do the math!

8. Lastly, I believe I’ve found my soulmate. My Johnny is exactly like me, yet so different from me. I hope he’s the one. Only God knows. We’re so happy with one another’s company, and we’re best friends. It’s been a consistent and drama-free two and a half years, so we’ll see. We'll see.

my first "what the hell happened?" posting

2007-07-27T08:23:00.000-05:00

Declaration: I'm going to christen Fridays as "What the Hell Happened?" days. By the time Friday rolls around, I'm tired as all heck from doing nothing during the week. Well, I work out 6 days a week, but while at work, I sit and rot, or spin around in my chair for hours at a time. So, today marks a new tradition to keep my Friday as upbeat and as happy as it is. "What the Hell Happened?" features celebs at their worst. Whether they have let themselves go for life, or are just having a bad time right now, I will find that photo and post it! Gotcha! Just call me the pappa--paparat--well, dammit, I can't spell it! Just say I got your picture!! And I have a B.A. in English...sad. Let's have a good laugh, and Happy Friday!!

I was listening to V103 this morning, and the "old school" song of the day was Tevin Campbell's Can We Talk? I hadn't seen a picture of him in years. And I'm appalled. I used to love him, but now he's just gross. It's sad what drugs and an alternative lifestyle can do to you. I'm gonna leave it at that...

So, Brit's at it again. She's walking around, just looking like she done lost her damn mind. I said it before, and I'm gonna say it again. She needs to toughen up. You're a mother, for God's sake! Black women have been doing it for generations. Ooo! Don't get me started! Just stop it, Britney! You look dumb as all hell!

Now we know George always had rainbow extensions. But this mugshot shows that he needs to comb or perm them suckas. Even if it is a muggie. And is he high, or what? Bless his heart. Jesus, help us all.

Glllooooorrrriiiiiiaaaaaa...

robert better play like snoopy here...

2007-07-26T09:39:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday and I feel like this already.

Sit, Snoopy! Stay! Good boy! Now play dead! Play dead, Snoops! Snoopy? Umm...Snoopy?

So, who hasn't heard the remix to R. Kelly's Same Girl? I am appalled at the craziness that goes on within those four minutes. If you haven't heard it, please do so. He goes from a remixy sound with T-Pain whining in the background, to a "snap song," to something reminiscing of what Robert thinks is Michael Jackson. I give it 1/2 a star and a recommendation to be demolished, burnt, and buried asap!

Like my J pointed out last night, Robert is getting ready to go to trial. http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/illinois/chi-ap-il-r.kellyaccusation,0,7488860.story It's about time. So another R. Kelly gospel album will be released soon...I Believe I Can Fly (Out of This Here Court) and He Saved Me Again will probably be featured tracks.

If Robert goes to jail, he'd better play like Snoopy here. They gon' be after him!

vicky is now ironically fighting the government dog

2007-07-24T09:02:00.001-05:00

Michael Vick, Michael Vick. Since I hail from Portsmouth, Virginia, some small distance from the "Birthplace of the Vick," and live in Atlanta, Georgia, some small distance from the "Field of the Vick," I feel particularly close to this whole dog-fighting case. However, I'm not sure what to make of it. I don't condone breeding already-aggressive puppies to fight almost until one loses a limb or ear or something. That is so sad, and those dogs don't know any better. I started out as an Atlanta Falcons fan when I first moved down here. (Living with a die-hard Chicago fan has altered that...) But with Vick being banned from camp and, presumably, more punishment will come with that indictment, I think that rooting for Atlanta this year may be a bit difficult. It's crazy how one man can carry a team, but look at Lebron. (Who I like, I liiike!) With the possibility of Vick being out for the upcoming season until this case blows over, I may just have to completely hang up the black and red. It'll make nice decoration.
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/7052768?MSNHPHMA Dammit, black man! We can't get it right, can we?!

I remember listening to Ryan Cameron last Thursday or Friday afternoon, and listeners were calling in with their opinions on the entire dog-fighting issue. This one woman called in, and I swear, she probably got on the bad side of Ryan, Ryan's staff, and most listeners tuning in. This woman claims she works at a vet's office, but sees nothing wrong with dog-fighting. She actually stated, "As long as it's done properly, I don't see nothing wrong with it." Properly. As in, "Dogs, get into the ring and let's have a good, fair, clean fight?" Unt uh. Not happening. This woman has personally seen what fighting dogs look like once the fight is over, and was adamant about it being too okay. She started going on and on about some law in the 1970's and something. I cringed and turned on my cd player.

Then I thought about it. Somebody should have gotten her name because she was definitely into dog-fighting. No doubt. I'd be the "snitch" if I got paid for it!

Dog-fighting. I'm not a part of those crazy-ass "People Eating Tasty Animals" folks, but it is still a sad, sad thing. Especially for us black folk. It's funny, though. Michael Vick is now the dog, having to fight his way against the pitbull government, the NFL, practically all other folks out to get him. I guess he hopes that having that big dog, Billy whatnot, will help defend him. That lawyer helped Monica Lewinsky. Hm. But where is she now? Hmm...will Vick disappear, too?...We shall see.

In other news, Go Bears!

i did the souljah boy behind my eyelids all weekend...

2007-07-23T09:43:00.001-05:00

What I missed in Atlanta this past weekend...Yes, I live in Atlanta, but I find that doing the "touristy" things are a bit mundane and overpopulated. People don't understand why I'm not constantly catching the celebrities and such that jet-sail through the city all the time. (A) I live in Vinings, some good 20 miles from downtown Atlanta. (B) Have you seen downtown Atlanta traffic on any given weekend night? But I must admit that, had I the money, I would have been sitting on Marietta Road by Philips Arena in all that traffic this past Friday to see that Beyonce concert. I swear for Lord! It was enough just trying to make it to my boyfriend at 4 p.m. downtown when he got off of work! But tickets were $75 bucks just for the rafter seats, plus fees and taxes, and I was thinking, "Hm. Beyonce, or rent?" Being a big fan that I am, I can't help but feel that I missed out big-time, especially when I visited Juiicy Scoop's wonderful blog page that featured Beyonce doing the outrageously dumb Souljah Boy dance. Man. [shaking head] That would have been the perfect blog entry!

Instead, I were unconscious from womanly pains for 12 hours on Saturday and 4 hours on Sunday. I mean, I was drunk sleep. I would lay up on the sofabed in the living room that J and I pull out occasionally when we don't feel like sleeping in the actual bed (lazy, I know), and 1 second later, J is waking me up. I was sleep for hours and didn't even know I was gone! All slobberific and stuff. But I do feel well-rested this Monday morning. Amazingly.

I'm not sure if I can say I had a great weekend or not. But I'm planning for this coming weekend. The Simpsons! Yeaa! Makes the work-week go faster. Makes me do the Souljah Boy. Weeee. Superman...that hoe?

facebook versus myspace

2007-07-19T19:57:00.001-05:00

This article actually talks about a certain woman's Myspace blog that sums up why kids under 18 are leaving Myspace at a fast rate. I have both Facebook and Myspace accounts and find them equally advantageous to my individuality and desire to write. I don't have a preference for one over the other (even though Facebook has really come up in the past few months. I may slightly prefer Facebook only because I have a bookshelf on my page, but I love my Myspace background contact table.) This is interesting and what I'm guessing the first of many of this sort of study on popular culture...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19735915/wid/11915829/

i think oprah is on drugs

2007-07-18T20:29:00.000-05:00

Poor Gracie. I do sympathize with the lost of a pet. Rest in peace, Kibbles Boone. But when the owner says something like, "She lived each day as if it were her last," and she happens to be a dog, I get scared that the owner is on drugs. "Oprah: Billionaire and Dog-Whisperer." --Ryan Cameron

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=269261

the flashers

2007-07-17T12:32:00.000-05:00

I'm trying my hand at "flash fiction." Very, very short short-stories. Pretty much.
Here are some of the best, shortest stories I've read, taken from the Wired website: http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.11/sixwords.html.

Dorothy: "Fuck it, I'll stay here." -Steven Meretzky
He read his obituary with confusion. -Steven Meretzky
There were only six words left. -Gregory Maguire
I saw, darling, but do lie. -Orson Scott Card
Dinosaurs return. Want their oil back. -David Brin
Bush told the truth. Hell froze. -William Gibson
Rapture postponed. Ark demanded! Which one?-David Brin
Three to Iraq. One came back. -Graeme Gibson
Heaven falls. Details at eleven. -Robert Jordan
Batman Sues Batsignal: Demands Trademark Royalties. -Cory Doctorow
Epitaph: He shouldn't have fed it. -Brian Herbert
K.I.A. Baghdad, Aged 18-Closed Casket -Richard K. Morgan
TIME MACHINE REACHES FUTURE!!! … nobody there … -Harry Harrison
Kirby had never eaten toes before. -Kevin Smith
Lie detector eyeglasses perfected: Civilization collapses. -Richard Powers
The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly. -Orson Scott Card
His penis snapped off; he’s pregnant! -Rudy Rucker
Longed for him. Got him. Shit. -Margaret Atwood
Computer, did we bring batteries? Computer? -Eileen Gunn

dancing drivers unite!

2007-07-17T11:52:00.000-05:00

So maybe some people are natural born haters. You can't do it like me! Maybe they think I'm a lunatic. Should they be afraid? No sir. Maybe they don't like my car. Or my bass exuding from my windows. All I know is, I'm tired of people staring at me when I'm dancing and driving in my car! Everyone morning, I crank on my Beyonce "Green Light" song or something similar that makes me drive fast and dance hard. And I think I scared one too many folks in traffic this morning. [Ahem. White people.] They act like they don't play the drums on the steering wheel! Traffic goes a lot faster when you've got good tunes on. Coming from someone who used to sit in one-hour traffic, inching to school every Monday and Thursday afternoon. And I can't help it if my hips like the beat. I shall not back down! Dancing Drivers Unite! Everybody else, smoke your cigarette, and stay in your own car! Undo that mood!

And another thing: All you "older" men who think whistling or saying, "Sang gurl!" or something in my open window is going to induce a reaction, try again. I turn up my music louder and take off when that light turns green, still dancing. You shall not enter my bubble. Perv.

stop choking the damn chicken!

2007-07-16T09:07:00.000-05:00

I never came up with anything to do this weekend. But J did cook some great dinners, so I really can't complain. Besides, didn't I say I was broke?

This morning, once at work, I started doing my flip-through-MSN daily morning ritual. I read the story about Sprint dropping 1,000 customers and skimmed the accompanying message board with MSN readers sounding off about their worst customer service experiences. I got to thinking once I read my email and saw that, again, someone responded to the listserv. The "listserv" is a database Kennesaw State has set up through which professors can send massive emails out about job or internship opportunities, new classes, speakers coming to campus, etc. etc. When someone just hits "reply" to the listserv, they send a message to everyone's mailbox, including my own precious one. Sometimes, I just don't want to hear two people rant on and on about what they think, and they either know or don't know everyone is all up in their business.

But the young lady who responded to the listserv actually had something bright to say. There was a message containing the latest open teaching position at one of the nearby community colleges. The young lady followed the email with her own experience with trying to seize the job. She gave her extensive qualifications and told everyone that she received a "terse letter" from the hiring individual that the young lady was "not qualified." In my mind, she was probably overqualified, or the hiring person was threatened by her achievements at a young age. Hating will get you nowhere, because now everyone knows, and we may not even apply for that individual's position. No one wants to work with a "terse" person.

But I was coming to this: How far does "Freedom of Speech" go? We have the technological chicken coop at our fingertips, and people use it to the point of choking the damn chicken. Everyone always has to "respond back" and say what they feel. On this customer service message board, there were actual individuals who defended what other consumers feel is "bad" customer service, only because the person works in customer service! Why not keep your comments to yourself because no one asked you? I guess people think they're "helping" when they give their own 3-page testimony to the same question. We don't need your two cents (or 5, in most cases). Even on YouTube last night, I read some people cussing each other out about the "P.I.M.P." old 50 Cent song: about what a "pimp" is and how ignorant people are, and no, I'm not ignorant you bitch, and you can't even spell, and all this stuff! I'm like, people, get a grip!

So how far is this amendment really going? Frankly, I suggest we put a cap on some stuff. I just want the peace of mind to read something without 53 replies under it! Can't a sistah just watch a YouTube video without the following commentary?!

saturday night...

2007-07-14T17:20:00.000-05:00

...And I still need an idea for entertainment this weekend. [pondering away]

old friday customs i miss

2007-07-13T07:53:00.000-05:00

On this Friday the 13th, I wanted to honor my childhood by doing "Old Friday Customs I Miss."

1. Believing in Friday the 13th. Everyone at school used to squeal when someone walked near a ladder and, God forbid, someone see a black cat. Gothic kids used to wear black. We thought Freddy was gonna walk into the classroom, and everyone was on pins and needles, anticipating the Grim Reaper. We were relieved on Saturday at midnight!

2. TGIF...Family Matters, Step By Step...8 o'clock on Friday was the absolute time that I had to be in front of the television. I recall those much-loved episodes of Steve as "Stefan," and the family went to Disney World. I was too jealous! And I remember how I wanted to ride the roller coaster from the beginning of Step By Step, even though I'm scared of roller coasters. I don't the other shows because I had a 9 o'clock bedtime!

3. Friday night dates...Going to the mall and the movies was the thing to do on a Friday night! Even when we were 16 and trying to sneak into an "R" rated movie! And actually, in middle school, it was roller skating. Nowadays, I'm too tired on Friday from the week to do anything, or I'm doing laundry or cleaning the house!

4. Just getting out of school for the weekend. The excitement was unbearable...the final bell would ring and I would race to my locker and out to the bus (or my car). As soon as I would get home, I'd call my friends and we would ride our bikes to each other's houses. It seems like, back then, I "worked" a lot more than I do now!

5. Getting to eat out with my family: I can remember almost every Friday being able to get Mickey D's, Pizza Hut, or Wendy's with the family. I sure do miss that free food! [sigh]

All of this to say: I'm broke! And it ain't a joke! I take money orders, checks, cash, jewelry, and titles! Naw, but I need an idea for entertainment this weekend...hmm...

willie and felecia belong together, all in the name of my focus, man

2007-07-11T19:50:00.000-05:00

I never did get to watch that singing show that I had discussed yesterday. Why? Because I was coming down from a major stress attack!

Yesterday afternoon, I leave the office for my pilgrimmage to my boyfriend's job in downtown Atlanta to pick him up and head on home. I'm rolling along in the 5-minute-thunderstorm-of-the-moment, and suddenly, my windshield wipers start going mad slow. Like, I sat at a light and watched the wipers go back and forth, as if hypnotized, about four times. I was thinking, "Wait a minute, am I dreaming this?" Then, my much-loved, brand-new Kelly Rowland cd starts skipping. Or so I thought. I try to turn on the radio, and the whole system just goes off. I'm nearly panicking at this point, and I started putting my foot on the brake to slow down. Then this freakin' light that looks like a person getting beat in the head with an airbag pops up, and I'm thinking, "Oh shit, my car is transforming with me in it!" I stop at the next light, turn on my blinkers, put the car in park, and turn the car off. Poor guys behind me, but oh well. My car wouldn't turn back on after that.

To make a longer story short, I sat for an hour and a half at a firehouse right across from where I stopped after the firefighters came out and pushed my little Focus out of rush hour traffic's way. [I just knew I was gon' die sitting around a corner with my car in park, with trucks coming up on me at 45 mph, and barely getting around me like they didn't know I was sitting there. I think the only reason why the firefighters came out was because they had a call and the firetruck couldn't get around me!] There was an actual fire at my boyfriend's job and he couldn't get away, so he sent his good friend to try to jump me. I was jumped.

I managed to get to J's job when the car died again. Dammit, man! We had to pay $67 bucks to tow it to Firestone by Willie, the man with one good eye and an aggressive driving problem. We got to Firestone 30 minutes before closing time, and they tell me that I would need to replace my battery ($109) and my altenator ($$470!!). Can you believe that?! Oh, and tomorrow. "We don't have the part here in this location. Can I order it for the morning for you?" J and I stared at each other, trying to mentally telepath how in the hell we were going to get home without a car. I considered teleporting. J didn't think it was funny.

We called Felecia, the Checker Cab lady with a crazy fixation on talking 'til your ears bled. We got down the street from the house when I had an epiphany. "Um, babe?" I said to my boyfriend, tentatively, since he was already steamed about having to give up tow money and cab money. "You have the house keys?" We got all the way home with the house keys up in Firestone attached to the car keys. J kept doing this psychotic, lunatic laughing, which freaked me out a little bit. I kept doing comical, cartoon gulps.

$25 bucks later and 1 rainshower, we managed to catch J's good friend (who had jumped me earlier in the day) and he caught the Firestone guys right before they locked up, got the keys for us, and brought them out to the house. Talk about a dedicated friend. I think I'll bake him some brownies or something, since he refused to take a monetary thanks.

We finally got to relax some 4 hours after my ordeal began. And I just knew this adventure was one for the books. Or for the blog.

The moral of the story? Shit, there isn't one. Keep your friends close, and your car's altenator even closer.

And don't be thinking I could afford that damn thing. I'm still pissed about that $500 bucks...especially after J and I took those old ladies hostage and made them withdraw all their savings at Wachovia last night, and I broke a nail. Just kidding. Kinda.

Good credit, people!! Just take the joke!! Or look for us on the national news...

nbc and fox must really be beefing

2007-07-10T09:03:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was watching Family Guy, and this commercial for a new show pops up. "Don't Forget the Lyrics," hosted by Wayne Brady, is a karaoke-style competition in which people sing to a live band with the words projected on the screen. Then, the music stops, the words disappear, and the singer must continue the song, fill in the blank, or what have you. They must sing 9 songs correctly, and get the tenth #1 hit correctly, to win $1 million bucks. Of course, the singer has the option to bail out and take the money they collected before the going gets tough. I was thinking, "Ok, cool, that might be fun to watch." It premieres July 11 at 9:30 on Fox.

Then I get to work this morning and go to my standard MSN screen. At the bottom, what do I see? Joey Fatone in the new karaoke-style competition show, "The Singing Bee." Premiering tonight at 9:30 on NBC.

Um, huh? I'm confused. Is this not the same show, on two different channels, with two different names?

What is Fox and NBC beefing about? The only real difference I can see in the shows, according to the respective network websites, is that "The Singing Bee" features popular music, whereas "Don't Forget the Lyrics" covers all decades and genres of music.

So, who thought of the show first? Here's my good guess:

"American Idol" lives at Fox, right? Now that the crazy-ranking show has gone off, Fox has to keep the viewers tuned in by using alternative methods. In the meantime, NBC has this great show idea to feature real singers involved in one of America's great drunken pastimes. So, Fox goes, "That sounds like a great plan," and concocts a highly similar blueprint for a new show. But Fox shoots for a wider audience and picks a comic who guest starred frequently on one of Comedy Central's biggest television hits ever. [And ya'll know who I'm talking about...WHAT!] That was mighty smart of them. Good going, Fox, you jerks.

Yes, Joey Fatone was the runner-up on this year's "Dancing With the Stars." But, really, how many people actually watched that show? And how many people [across racial, gender, and class lines, mind you] liked N-Sync? But NBC beat Fox out by 1 day to air the show first, and to be the first with the what-I'm-guessing-to-be really good ratings. Fox will be seen as just "copycats."

So, which show will I watch?

And, what is this? Some sort of new "wave" of reality television? As if we don't have enough "talent" shows on tv now?

Very original and creative, guys. I guess I'll have to watch both. Or neither.

my new fear, stemming from the charm school reunion show

2007-07-09T11:10:00.000-05:00

So, nothing came for me on Saturday, 07/07/07. But that's ok. J and I had a wonderful Fourth, and this past weekend was pretty stellar, too. I guess I received a "divine week" versus just one divine day. And that makes me more blessed than you! Ha! Yes, you! Kidding...sort of.

Of course I watched the Charm School reunion show last night, and I must sound off on it. First off, it was a lot classier than the I Love New York and Flavor of Love/Flavor of Love 2 reunion shows, primarily because Mrs. Mo'Nique was there to referee the girls. I could appreciate that.

It was funny when Brooke declared that she sucked on the glass sculpture and got drunk off that "dark liquor" and booty humped most of the guys at the party because, simply, she's a "flirtatious bright-eyed blonde." Her words! Basically, Brooke said white girls party. Black girls don't. At least, not in that wild way. Plain and simple. And, Hell Yeah, she's right! We have much more important things to worry about. Like our good weave getting sweated out. Who's picking up lil' man from preschool. Finding a worthy man who doesn't want us for our titties and ass. AND CATCHING AIDS!! Brooke's such an ass.

And Schatar's an ass, too. Trying to sound British because she's a "direct descendent of royalty." What a crock of poopy. At least she cut off all that crazy weave.

But the funniest occurence had to be the Shay vs. Larissa argument, and Larissa's stepping to Mo. Larissa's little immature butt got all up in Mo'Nique's face, and of course Mo lit into her like a firecracker. But the sad part was damn Larissa's momma. Here she comes up to the stage to "protect" her waste of a daughter, and tries to step to Mo'Nique.

I must say these two words again: Larissa's momma. She was out of control, but Mo managed to calm her down with incredible persuasive skills. Larissa's momma ought to be ashamed of Larissa's anger issues and her refusal to grow up and take responsibility for herself. But naw. It was very easy to see where Larissa got her attitude because her momma was the same way! It was sad that Mo had to sit and verbally "mother" Larissa, obviously better than Larissa's mom has done during Larissa's 22 years of living!

I want to say that this show taught me that my daughter will be taught to absolutely not be willing to shake her ass in front of a man's face to get attention. She will be a strong, wonderful woman like her mother. That she will not bully, cuss like a sailor, or be mini-New York. I want to say this show really gave me a look at the failure of some black mothers' rearing their girls in America. That my people really need to wake up and see that television is raising our black children. And to vow that my children will not be raised by BET and VH1.

I want to say all that, but I'll say this.

I am officially scared of attitudinal, wild, frizzy-red-haired, albino mommas. All because of this episode.

breathing, happy, in love, loved, walking, and talking

2007-07-06T09:13:00.000-05:00

So, my Fourth of July went off wonderfully, drama-free and fun-filled. I saw a great movie, and watched about 20 different fireworks shows off the roof of a building in downtown Atlanta. It was a big improvement from last year's sudden hurricane, in which J and I raced for our lives from Centennial Park to our car some 10+ blocks away in 30+ mph wind and flying rain! Yes, I lived to tell the story. It was...an experience. [sob] Let me get it together. Turn that camera away...

Ok, I'm back! I forgot to tell my blog readers that I didn't get the job with Delta. Yeah, I was freaking "overqualified." That just reinforces my point: I have a Bachelor's degree, yet can't find a decent job that's not already taken. I'm overqualified for retail positions, or nearly anything paying under $10.00 an hour. Yet, I'm underqualified for any other position above my head, and won't be able to find those jobs until I complete my Master's. I'm stuck here. I'm guessing God is trying to show me something. If I wasn't allowed an "out" right now, I'm not listening to Him, or I'm not learning the lesson He's trying to teach. So, Father God, I'm alert. What's going on?

My focus right now lies in paying for my last class at Kennesaw. My tuition is due in a week, and I'm strapped. Well, not nearly. But my brain tells me I am because I can't spend the money on something I "want." Is that wrong? I can be such an ass sometimes. Lord, forgive me.

I'm still here! Breathing, happy, in love, loved, walking, and talking. But I do have one question.

What's in store for my life on 07/07/07? The divine day.

Yes, I'm believing in the hype!!!
I'll keep you all posted.

Get it? "Posted." Ha ha! ha...Um...

yeah.

go see "transformers"

2007-07-05T12:54:00.001-05:00

Hello, and Happy Post-Fourth! One word: "Transformers." The movie was all that, and Bill Gates' paycheck. I highly recommend it for all colors, ages, and spaces.

And that's all I have to say about that.

http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=268169>1=7701&mpc=1

a reason, a season, or a lifetime

2007-07-03T08:30:00.001-05:00

In light of the end of the semester, when everyone is graduating and moving on, or even separating for a few months until the school year starts again...or if you've lost someone recently, like I have...this is something we should remember for those whom we may "never see again..."

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

the spice girls will turn into vampire peacocks on their reunion tour

2007-07-02T09:02:00.000-05:00

Good morning, July! Oh, it's the second. Never mind.

So, the Spice Girls have decided to do a reunion tour. Um...why? Are they really "girls?" They have seven children between them. Ew. I wish my momma would tell me she's doing a reunion tour of a girl-power-generation-bubble-gum-pop group that's waaaay beyond its time. And they have fluffy names...Ginger Spice, Sporty Spice, Baby--come on! Stop the madness!!

This just in: I read yesterday on MSN that a man attacked a peacock in the parking lot of a New York Burger King because he said the bird was "a vampire." Can you say, cuckoo? Really, nut balls? A real vampire? I thought they became bats when they weren't in their human form? So what do I know?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19534938/?GT1=10056

The moral of this posting is: Read the title.

No, really.

sojourner truth's most empowering essay

2007-06-30T19:09:00.000-05:00

Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio, 1851
"Well, Ain't I a Woman?"

"Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say."

dream-decoders, i need you!

2007-06-29T12:17:00.001-05:00

The weirdest, but clearest dream I've had in a long time...

I was meeting my mom at somebody's mall the day before my wedding to my boyfriend. I had some greasy fries, but I only remember eating one. Then...

J and I went to this girl named Leah's house. [I went to high school with her, but we weren't really close like that. I was on her Facebook page yesterday, which may have been why she was in my head.] We sat outside in the car [J was driving] and she came out the house and gave us pink petal to put on our chests [like body glitter]. Then...

I drove out of an entrance instead of out of an exit from some brick building, and rolled over one of those tire damaging strips. Once I noticed the strip [I looked back in my rearview mirror], the tires immediately deflated. [The car went way down with the "psst" sound.] The women who were cops or whatever made me feel incredibly guilty about it [did they laugh at me? Damn them!]. Then...

I was at a church hall/family reunion/funeral something or other with my mom and dad. I never knew what it was about, only that I felt really guilty and sad about something. We were walking towards the back of the hall and my dad told the bodyguard that we were family [or did he say "Boones." I don't remember...]

Weird, huh? Dream-decoders, get at me!

this is called, "being a very special child."

2007-06-28T15:36:00.000-05:00

Sixteen Things to do at 3 a.m. or 12 noon at Super Wal-mart...

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone," 'Code 3' in housewares"....and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..."NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while, and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Go, Pikachu, go!"

never touch a black woman's radio

2007-06-26T10:40:00.000-05:00

This morning, I'm bobbing to Ludacris on V-103 via Internet radio, and suddenly this crazy press conference cuts the song off and tunes in. I'm thinking it's about the 17-year-old young man who was sentenced to jail for having consensual sex with a 15-year-old girl. They are working hard down here in Atlanta to free him because the bill that forced him to be jailed has expired. Or, something like that.

But no. The press conference was to reveal that Wayne Williams, the man suspected in the 1980's Atlanta child murders, is actually guilty. In the 80's, there was speculation as to whether or not this man was wrongly accused because of his color, and because he had committed a murder at the time when the child murders were rampant.

But he's the right one. Ok. Yes, breakthrough stuff. Utterly amazing, and great work, people. I appreciate that it was all cleared up and gives closure to the families of the slain children.

But they went on. And they went on....and on...fussing with each other as to the locations of certain evidence from the 80's...asking kooky, dumb, and repetitive questions...cutting each other off, pointing, accusing, just wrecking havoc. At a press conference. 16 hours long. In the middle of the workday.

I'm like, where did my music go? Music?

Music?

Music?

Moral of the story: If you want a person to listen, don't interrupt the music! You've been to the prom before...you could cause a riot! And I was already mad that Pandora isn't on today...don't make me come up there!

For a terrific fictional novel on the Atlanta child murders, read one of my favorites, "Leaving Atlanta" by Tayari Jones, writer extraordinaire!!

Oh, yea. And SAVE INTERNET RADIO!

ultimate laziness is the number one cause of chronic obesity

2007-06-25T16:37:00.000-05:00

Things that make me squint my eyes and ball my eyebrows together...otherwise known as ultimate laziness that I just can't quite figure out, and why America is fat as hell over it!

(1) Universal remote controls: A remote control that makes you sit on your ass and change the channel, turn on the stereo, switch on the surround sound, play the DVD player, turn on the Xbox, tune up the microwave, and make your dog sit and shut up. Why don't you just use the necessary 0.5 watts of energy and pick up your remote for the DVD player to turn it on? Better yet, jog your fat ass and get that Lean Cuisine out the microwave! That's what America's obese now!

(2) I Wanna Ride On the Car: People who put their garbage on the trunk of their car (notice I said "on" and not "in), and ride 0.5 mph to the dumpster. Would it cause so much heartache to simply put the garbage in the trunk? Because, if the garbage slides off the trunk as you make your 80-year-duration turn, it'll take you more energy to jump out, sit it back on the trunk, and drive off again. *Special circumstance: Your trunk is too full, or your trash is funky. Take that shIIt out your trunk (you'll have better gas mileage and tire pressure), or keep your trunk door up! And if your trash stinks like that, you probably shouldn't have eaten that shIIt in the first place. That's why America's obese now, fatty!

(3) Lane Changers and Their Lack of Signal Usage: Um, self explanatory. They're going 50 mph, coming up from behind me, switch to the lane to my left, and fly in front of me...just in time for the light to flip red. Giant braking ensues on both parties. Then they turn right and keep going about their business. Dammit, man! You could have given me the common courtesy of letting me know your ass don't know how to drive! At least give me the signal that you wanted to get in front of me so that I can brake gradually, rather than elevating my blood pressure when I have to slam on brakes to avoid a collision. That's why you're too big to fit in that car. You can't even move your plump finger to flick on the signal. Get out the car and ride a bike, you obsese American!

(4) Swivel Chairs and the Idiots that Ride in Them: Silly asses that have mysteriously glued their booty to the seat of a swivel chair and refuses to walk with their feet, like a normal person. Going from cubby to cubby or desk to desk, 50.0 times a day, scooting their feet like Barney Rubble. The chair is all out in the aisle and stuff. Um, excuse me? You're, like, in the way! Move it! You are not in a segway! You are not in an electrical scooter or any type of wheelchair! You need to move those glutes and calfs and hit that cellulite, with your obese self! Move it!

(5) What Statement Are You Making Here?: Tee shirts to the knees and shorts to the ankles are not cute, young man! So, what are you saying about yourself? I'm hiding my obesity under here! You have on 50 ounces of clothing (because I know guys wear a shirt under their shirts), and you wonder why you're sweating like all hell! Your clothes look straight up lazy, and you look lazy under all of them, with your chunky self! Like the fashion police would say, "You don't get any tickets. Just go to jail." My people, my people. African Americans, lets get it together.

please don't bite me, dog

2007-06-23T22:29:00.000-05:00

Is there a such thing as doggie facelifts? Puppy lipos? Canine face reconstructions? 'Cause this poor pup needs something! I came across the MSN story of the newest doggie crowned "Ugliest Dog in the World" a few minutes ago. It's hilarious, but kinda scary. Ever seen "Pet Semetary?" I acutally haven't seen it, but this dog looks like he had a starting role! I feel so bad for this dog.

Why is the dog's tongue hanging out like that? What if it drips? That's just nasty.

It just goes to show you that "ugly" can be a disease. Try telling that to some of these actors out here...

the eddie murphy fiasco headline

2007-06-22T18:26:00.000-05:00

Post-workout, endorphin-infused shout:

EDDIE MURPHY IS THE BABY DADDY! Ha! I knew it!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19373567/?GT1=10056

the funniest "line" I've heard in a while

2007-06-22T11:27:00.001-05:00

The funniest "line" I've heard in a while...

I'm in the office, and this "salesperson" comes to the door selling those hand-held fans you can get at Six Flags. I tell him to back off [nicely] and he gives me his number.

Tall young boy with the faux brown eyes who smells like baby formula and outdoors: "So, can I get your number?"
Me: "No, thanks. I have another half."
Tall young boy with the faux brown eyes who smells like baby formula and outdoors [laughingly]: "Oh! Well, when 'other half' leaves, I can be your whole."

Me [thinking]: You must not be very bright, huh?

Hilarious!!

even that damn singing skittles bunny was held, and touched, and loved...

2007-06-22T09:41:00.000-05:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19293872/?GT1=10056

The above link is what I call, "The Case of Creating Robotic Children." So I'm from Virginia, right? Born and raised on the coast of VA, in the sorta "rough" city of Portsmouth, esteemed for the I.C. Norcom High School Marching Band, no malls, Frozen Custard ice cream, historic downtown, 80 different churches on one street, Victory Crossing shopping center, and multiple potholes. At least, that's when I was living there.

So I'm searching the 'Net for my next conquest to sound off about when I come across the above link. A middle school in Fairfax County, VA has banned students from any type of touching, whatsoever. No hugging, no holding hands, no arms over the shoulders, and they could get the chair or fatally stoned for kissing. Poor kids. All because it could "cause discomfort and/or violence." There's one courageous young man who has decided to report to the school board about what a ludicrous idea this is. I applaud his efforts. All for a few reasons that are so natural and clear to me that I don't see why any parents, officials, or anyone has thought of them.

(A) Let's define "touching." Hugging involves feelings of admiration and, particularly where I'm from, hugging is a sign of affection, a basic greeting, or hell, we hug after a joke hurts somebody's feelings. [Come here, baby. Me so sorry.] We don't hug somebody, then bust a cap in their ass! I can see if a dude is hugging a girl all tight, hand all on her ass or up her skirt, or something. Holding hands, same way. A baby holds hands with their mother to cross the street. I mean, come on! It's like the school officials are making the case that a girl will hold the hand of a guy she doesn't really like because she'll be uncomfortable telling him, "No, don't hold my hand." They are making these kids out to be big ole' dummies. Which comes to my next point.

(B) These kids aren't STUPID! There is no benefit of the doubt here at all. If a girl has enough self-esteem and a mouth on her face, she will tell a dude off if he so much as tries to put his hands on her in an unwelcoming way. Again, the kids are not boo boo fools. Are the Fairfax county kids so violent that, if the girl did manage to say "no, don't touch me," the dude will automatically slap the shIIt out of her? Not likely.

(C) They're making these children unresponsive, unemotional robots. And we see what happens when people have no love in their lives. They bomb city parks. They strap dynamite to themselves and walk into a restaurant. They shoot somebody over extra chili sauce. They're in mental facilities, rocking back and forth and holding themselves. Or they're really bad bosses. [LOL] These are the people we should fear, not some damn horny adolescents.

And the biggest point: (D) If you tell a child not to do something, 9 out of 10 of them will go off and do it anyway! It's the natural teenage way to date somebody when your parents say "no," all because you love them and "nothing else matters." We see it everyday. Hell, I did it!! I stayed out after curfew just because there was a curfew! Interactions with the opposite sex is what makes "teenage-hood" what it is!! There are probably 18 couples under the bleachers right now at the school, making out heavily, all because they can't touch each other in school. Just think how many girls can be pregnant off these silly ass rules...

I hope these school officials open their pale eyeballs and remember when they were an experimental teenager. I'm sure something will change. Big ole' dummies.

In Portsmouth, Virginia, we touch each other. That was my original point. :-D

the "yea" and "nay" of my day

2007-06-21T12:26:00.000-05:00

The "Yea" and "Nay" of my day...I was given a conditional job offer with Delta Airlines today in the longest interview session of my life. "Yeaaa" for me! It's the change of pace that I desire. I have major, major benefits. I can talk to someone other than myself all day. Everything would be in place...

if I weren't in school.

Now, here's the "nay" part. They don't recommend the position for students going back to school in the fall. Problem: I have one last class to take in order to get my master's certification. Hm. Problem, for sure.

The hours are so crazy sporadic that they're not willing to work with a sista on her school schedule, which is completely understandable. It's a big, booming business, and nobody has time to schedule around one thousand different school times.

It just sucks for me.

So I have a 2 week pre-screening process to wait it out and make sure that everything clears. Afterwards, I have a 2 week, paid training period where, at the end, I "graduate," receive my badge and uniform, and actually get my schedule.

What my schedule says depends on whether or not I can keep the job offer.

Which, again, sucks for me.

I gotta keep this job!! I gotta get outta here!!

we were blessed by angel

2007-06-18T20:02:00.000-05:00

It's hard to lose a friend, especially that I'm only 22 years old. I just lost my third high school friend since graduation. Justin Buxton, or "JB" as everyone affectionately called him at Norcom, died this morning when he lost control of his car and swerved into a tractor trailer truck. He died on impact. He would have been 20 this September.

I pray that he felt no pain, that his angels snatched him up before any amount of anguish could touch him. Justin was a gentleman, very smart, and athletic like you wouldn't believe. From what I remember of Justin, he was lively and had a heart of gold. He was on his way to being a doctor or an NFL player. His family are wonderful people, and Justin had a host of close friends. It's a shame that he was taken so early, but I truly believe that God had a purpose for him and that God nevers leads us astray. Justin will be missed dearly, but I know that he's next to God and His Son, playing football on the largest team our minds could not even imagine.

Rest in peace, sweetie. We love you, and we'll meet again.
Justin Buxton
Sunrise: 09-21-87 Sunset: 06-18-07

the dead beat

2007-06-18T08:14:00.000-05:00

Often, my boyfriend and I listen to WGCI radio out of Chicago via the Internet to wake us up early in the morning. This Monday morn, the DJs were talking about a sting operation that occurred yesterday on beautiful Father's Day. Some hundred "daddies" in Cook County were arrested on failure to pay child support...on Father's Day. [ha ha! Ok, had to laugh...] Some men even owed hundreds of thousands of dollars. Callers were sounding off on whether or not this was a good or bad idea.

I'm sitting on the fence about it. Yes, it is a good thing because the men should take responsibility for the children they made. Even if they cannot get along with the mother. It is not the children's fault that they were created by some lazy, uncaring sperm donor. My boyfriend made a good point, though, that made me feel that it was a bad idea. (A) The men don't care anyway, and jail for most of them will not make any type of difference. Point well taken, even though the demographic of the group was not told [but we can guess...] (B) Why wait until Father's Day? They could have captured these men weeks ago. The law was trying to make a statement that "Father's Day" does not apply to men who are not "fathers." Point also well taken.

To me, the entire business of "dead beat dads" is a true shame, and a true reality, for so many of our black children. I remember years ago when I volunteered at a daycare facility outside of my dad's job, The Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters in Norfolk, Virginia. There was this adorable 3-year-old named Damien who had the cutest grin ever and would walk around showing everyone his bracelet ["Bling," as he called it]. The daycare keepers used to ask him his dad's name, and Damien, 3 years old, would say, "Dead Beat Daddy" with that huge grin. The daycare ladies used to crack up, and I would join in, but inwardly, I would cringe. Damien would say that his mommy told him that his dad's name was "Dead Beat Daddy." I kept thinking, this child has a lot of resentment for the dad that he didn't even know.

In my eyes, the mother should never taint the image of a child's dad intentionally, out of spite for the man, without giving the child a chance to learn about his or her father on their own. But, I don't have a "baby daddy," so I can't comment from the other side. This entire thing just makes a loud statement about the state of the crumbled black family structure, the state of black male and female relationships, and the bleek future for many of our black children.

Can't we all just get along?

it must be those endorphins

2007-06-15T18:03:00.000-05:00

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy! And happy people just don't shoot their husbands." --Elle Woods, Legally Blonde

I'm pleasantly surprised that I'm still virtually cheerful. The workout was great...fun, even. I feel like I can go again...

tomorrow. Yes, I will go again tomorrow.

Am I turning into a little exercise rodent? Will I end up looking like Billy Blanks?

Yikes. [shaking the visual out]

drowning in liters of water

2007-06-15T14:08:00.001-05:00

My first workout at Curves is in a couple of hours, and I have to admit my excitement. It may be short-lived, however, when that sweat trinkles down my wide forehead and drops into my eyeball, making me do that seez! sound with my teeth. But I'm not gonna flip out. This is for the betterment of my physical state, and I've been "dieting" since Wednesday. [Definition of dieting: non-hamburger eating; fast food big ban; usually in the form of pasta and millions of liters of water; can include several states of green veggies and meat the size of my palm]. It's been working so far, so we'll hope for the best.

Note how cheerful this posting sounds. Now make a note to tune in later...

get that damn camera out my face!

2007-06-12T20:04:00.000-05:00

I went to Curves. I signed up. I start Friday.

It was confirmed that I'm a hefty girl.

My self-esteem is low. I cannot talk about it right now.

Turn the camera away.

[lol]

my dreamgirl transformation starts today

2007-06-12T12:22:00.000-05:00

I'm a wee bit nervous today. I have a "meeting" at Curves later. The Curves. As in, 30 minute workout, 3 times a week, lose weight? Yes, I'm a fatty [NOTE: not fatty girl], and I'm going to see about fixing all that. So, what the heck will I talk to this lady about? How far I've let myself go? How I want to look like Jennifer Hudson [not Dreamgirls Jennifer, mind you.] And this lady better not be a size 2 and say "like" after every sentence. I may roadrunner out and never return!

I was a size 7 five years ago, and now I'm a 12. So what does that mean? Should I talk about my belief that my birth control was the real culprit? [Which "they" say is a myth, but I still truly believe it!] Should I break down in tears like those women on Maury who gained 400 pounds because their husband cheated on them with a 16-year-old Brittney Spears lookalike? I don't know.

'Cause I'm happy. Just a little bit blubberish around the middle. And on the arms. Inner thighs. Ok, I'm getting kinda explicitly nasty. Keeping it real, I just want to be healthy for my height. And die a 100-year-old woman in a warm bed, spent from a long life, and satisfied that I didn't have diabetes, a stroke, heart disease, high blood pressure...oh, wait, already got that. Uh, never mind. You get the idea.

This will be interesting. I will blog later today and inform my reading public how the whole thing went.

post-GRE short-lived euphoria

2007-06-10T20:24:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, guess what? I figured out that I can, indeed, write today. I scored a "5" on my GRE analytical writing portion for admittance to Northwestern, and I'm pleasantly boiling "brag." ["6" is the highest score...how many people do you know write perfectly?] I will not, however, under any circumstances, disclose my verbal and math scores. Moreover, I am not going to school for geometry, elementary algebra, and analogies. I am going to the gorgeous, 20th century-esque Northwestern U to explore the wonderful world of celebrity/hobby/current events journalism. And how to construct periodicals. And how to take my long-winded writing style and cramp it into one, straight-to-the-point formula for reading pleasure.

It will be my own little fantastic "Mea in the City" epic-sode: hair glamourously blowing in the breeze off Lake Michigan as I sit on the beach and write; getting paired with a group of women where we all mesh and produce the greatest ideas for our magazine known to Man; making new friends and going out to poetry readings and to Applebees for drinks; having my man there for me to bounce ideas to at all hours of the night...

Even my fantasy needs to be broken here: My rational side is too rational [and sometimes too ghetto] to think that Northwestern isn't going to be all hard work and rare play. In October, the 5 below 0 wind will whip off Lake Michigan at 20 mph to permanently frostbite my forever sad, stressed face. [And I'll be starting in the winter quarter. Winter up north...] I will wear the most enormous amount of layers known to Man. I will argue with that one dude in our group who will try to oppress me because I'm a black woman. My Johnny may not even be with me. And making time for friends, let alone time to talk to my man, will be scarce and precious.

Talk about the real world. But we'll see...

Now, all I gotta do is get into the school.

[short whisper] Pray!

i did my first public message board posting

2007-06-08T19:41:00.000-05:00

I just made a posting on the MSN site in reference to the entire Paris-going-back-to-jail silly sh**. Here is what I said:

I'm glad that Paris was sent back to jail. This entire situation is just an example of how jacked up American culture really is. The rich stay rich, and do whatever the hell they want. In this case, the rest of us "middle/working class" folks win. Were it backwards, there would have been no way that we would have had the luxury to return to our plush Hollywood home and spent jail time doing our nails, gabbing on the phone, and cuddling with a damn dog. I believe that the judge decided on the right thing, and the sheriff should definitely be suspected in coming up on some kind of money for this. I don't have beef with the silly girl, but when you continuously do something stupid, it's half time you get what's coming to you. It's called KARMA, bitch. [laughing delightfully]

And I DARE someone to take up for her! We at War, bitches!!

paris is sentenced back to jail, and i'm laughing my ass off

2007-06-08T19:18:00.001-05:00

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=264863&GT1=7703

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

This is the funniest sh** I've read in almost my entire adult existence.

Justice has prevailed.

I should probably sound off tomorrow, once the media circus have left the building...

Oh, but I must add this by a message boarder under the "Do You Feel Sorry For Paris?" headline. It is best articulated by my new, unknown friend, "Cthruthedenial"...

"The public in its outrage over Paris Hilton being released earlier and put on house arrest for some UNKNOWN medical condition; should hold Judge Michael T. Sauer and Sheriff Lee Baca personally responsible for this stupid girl's fate when she gets behind the wheel of her car next time. She obviously wants to experience the same as Brandy and Halle Berry. THEIR LUCK RAN OUT WITH the life of someone else! How many people have not learned with DUI'S and jail time until they have killed someone.

Since when does the money of a few give them the right to continually disrespect the laws of this land? Law enforcement is paid by the tax payers to uphold the laws and should be held accountable for their irresponsible actions when it comes to the safety of its citizens. My hat goes off to City Attorney, Rocky Delgadillo, for standing up for the citizens.

Paris Hilton and all of these other celebrities should be held accountable for their actions just as the rest of us are since they continue to abuse there rights and privileges. They should have no problem paying the price by spending time in jail for what ever maximum length the law permits. If that ruins their careers along the way, OH WELL! Who the heck ever said that jail was to be a glamorous experience? Jail is exactly what these individuals need since they lack the common sense to get help! It could be the only thing that saves their lives and spares the American public the continued embarrassment.

The public should stop reading, seeing their movies, concerts, and thinking that they are something that they are not. Maybe then society could get back to spending more time on issues that concern all of us on this planet, like global warming, education, the war we got lied into, and health care."

Right on, right on, sister! Or, um, brother? Friend. Fine. Right on, my friend, right on.

nicole wanted to be paris, now fears a fate like paris

2007-06-07T09:34:00.000-05:00

So, I received my desired rest just in time to find this morning that Ms. Paris has left jail and been confined to her home for 40 days. Those punks. That slut.

Now, half-black buddy Nicole Richie is scared that she, too, will be slapped with the realization that she truly isn't "above the law." See http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19081418/.
Poor thing already looks like she survives on trail mix and water. She would keel over and break a hip were she given a jail sentence. And then those tabloid rumors that she's pregnant...hm. I find that I have no sympathy for these silly girls, especially when I'm out here, busting my butt trying to do right. I have more of a smug, intensely giggle-ridden, Hallelujah-praising pride in knowing that, yes, I am better than them. Please believe me.

I must say, everybody does have problems. Look at the documentary, "The Last Days of Left Eye." Look at Brangelina's life. Look at your life. But don't tell me that problems are worth glamorizing, as done from the skeletal horse's mouth. Especially if you're starting to look like a certified crackhead.

Everybody needs Jesus. Nicole needs something else...

feel my enthusiasm

2007-06-06T10:30:00.000-05:00

I'm back in Atlanta. Woo hoo. Feel my enthusiasm.

So far, so good...I'm not getting worried to death.

I'm going home. Getting me some sleep.

my lake michigan, illinois blues

2007-06-02T12:12:00.000-05:00

I'm in day 3 of my much-needed and much-anticipated Illinois vacation. I'm disappointed that TIME is playing a trick on me because it is going much too fast. My main objective here was to get my head on straight, and reevaluate my job situation and potential school situation. So far, I've visited Northwestern, and I have set my sights on creating the best portfolio to showcase my writing talents in order to get into the school. It's adorable...all of the buildings look like houses. And should I even say that the school sits almost right on Lake Michigan? A Virginia baby's dream...a writer's dream...writing on the beach in sunny warmth.

I have yet to figure out what to do about my job thorn in my ass. I want to stay and "stick it out," but I'm so unhappy there that I would rather pull more down into my misery. I guess that the best thing to do would be to talk to my "boss" about possible improvements to my position. Ha! I almost tricked myself! Good one, Mea! They can suck my dick.

I plan to spend my weekend working on admission essays and figuring out how to get out of this job. It's worse at this possible minute because I already don't want to go back to Atlanta the same way I left. I have faith that I can focus enough to get it together. That, or I can snap and find someone to shoot over some extra Wendy's chili sauce...Then I can take a job as a reformed socialite. And go to rehab...skip the MTV movie awards.

the man, the boy, and the donkey

2007-05-28T20:07:00.000-05:00

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man & boy thought that maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!

Soon, they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal, and it fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass goodbye!
Have A Nice Day & Be Careful With Your Donkey

a flying conversation with black and white "me"

2007-05-25T20:57:00.000-05:00

Okay, I had to post this "shyte:"

In March, a British Airways economy-class passenger on a flight from Delhi, India, died onboard, and the corpse was moved to the less-congested first-class section, to the chagrin of Paul Trinder, who had paid the equivalent of about $6,000 for his nearby seat. When he complained, he said he was told just to "get over it" and that no refund would be offered. [The Independent (London), 3-18-07]

Time the hell out!! The attitudinal black woman in me is screaming out, "Unt uh, honey, no they didn't! You gon' put a 'definitely dead' person beside me on a plane, and then tell me to 'get over it?' Hell naw! Ya'll betta go kick rocks before I punch you in the balls!"

Now, the calmer Caucasian woman in me is saying, "Now, dear, what were they supposed to do at 32,000 feet in the air? Push the man out the plane door? There was hardly anything the stewardesses and people onboard could do but make it comfortable for the majority of the 'flightees,' which were the people back there in coach. Shoot, they probably didn't know what to do with a dead body! I mean, what would you do?"

The black woman is winning..."Well, then, don't put that damn body beside me! Let me sit beside somebody alive, and that body can have the damn row, for all I care! And cover that sh** up! Don't nobody wanna look at no decaying body parts! Ew, it stink!"

LOL

Ain't life a bitch?

the drunken dead paris bit of masterwork

2007-05-24T07:48:00.001-05:00

Good morning, world! In light of the upcoming Paris Hilton jail day, I thought I'd post comments dedicated to the silly little vixen. Some time ago, a story was posted on MSN about controversial sculptor Dan Edwards' next greatest endeavor. He managed to sculpt a "dead" Paris Hilton undergoing an autopsy to teach kids about the dangers of drunk driving. Yeah, that's a good way to cover it up! Click on the link for a picture. It's incredibly masterful. I mean, he even got the damn dog!

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/visualart/315006_hiltonart10.html

Personally, I think he just doesn't like the chick. A lot of people don't like her because she's, well, "blonde," for one. I ignore her.

I laughed at this picture initially, but it isn't funny! [struggling solemn face] So, maybe it is, just a wee bit. The child should know better, first of all. She claimed that she didn't know her license was suspended. Right. Secondly, drinking and driving is not only illegal, but it's very dangerous. Ok, I just sounded really [] for a minute there. []=square

But, I'm thinking, if a famous artist sculpted me dead, posing like I'm ready for a freakishly good time, with a drink in one hand and a cell phone in the other, and wearing a hot tiara, I'd be embarrassed, offended, and ready to fight. Then, of course, I'm far from being Paris Hilton, or from being "blonde," period.

I hope this man didn't "kill" Paris. Her spirit may be shot, or "crashed," now, but wait until she gets inside that 23-day jail sentence. TV for one hour a day. Only one hot meal a day. No cell phone. No Tinkerbell. She just might snap. And then we'll be looking at Dan a little bit more strangely...

maybe being shot in the penis would have awaken him?

2007-05-22T11:42:00.000-05:00

On MSN this morning, there was a story about a man who was shot in the head as he slept, and the man did not wake up until four hours later. To me, this is a very odd thing. [plain face] Hmm...I've never been shot, nor do I want to be, but I can imagine the excruciating pain one feels during such a thing. A steel mushroom the size of a good 1-caret diamond earring just punched a hole in your body...what do you think? "Pain" isn't the word. But this man got shot in the head. And did he feel it? Did he think he was dreaming? All I know is, how do you NOT KNOW you just got shot in the f****** head, dude? Sleep or not. He needs to go in the Guinness book for "World's Heaviest Sleeper." The MSN headline read, "Don't Wake Me For Anything Less Than a Grenade." Ha! Good one, guys! Maybe it was that West Virginia air. This man is truly lucky to be alive, but I think he was drunk as all hell. He had to be more drunk than words can describe. And if alcohol can make you sleep through being shot in the head, give me two of them suckas!

The crazy story:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18790581/?GT1=9951

lordy, lordy, pepperoni floyd

2007-05-17T21:16:00.000-05:00

I feel the need to comment on the new developments in the Floyd Landis cycling debacle. It is absolutely amazing how far people will go to push a lie down the hill and around the corner. Like my momma always said, what's done in the dark will always come to light. Things are starting to unravel here, and I don't know whether to shake my head sadly or laugh out loud. It is still unknown as to whether or not Landis' "B" sample is positive or negative..we all know what will happen if it turns out positive. This new development attempts to expose Landis and his business partners as hypocritical fibbers chasing the glory and the money. And this can't be good for his trying to prove that he was not drugged when he won the Tour de France. I feel really bad for Landis' friend who was blackmailed because (a) Landis' lawyer actually fessed up to the blackmail, and (b) the secret of the man's childhood molestation that he tried to keep under wraps is now out all over the news. And Floyd can't say a thing. What goes through a man's head when he's sitting there, silently watching his "truth" blow a short? I know he left that courtroom with his lawyer and cussed him up and down. All I can say is, I'm following this story closely. Just give me a large pepperoni and sausage, and an orange soda, and you've got me for the long haul. I'm rooting for you, Pepperoni Floyd, just for "benefit of the doubt" purposes. This is suspenseful...I never knew cycling could be so exciting. Well, beyond the occurrences when people fall off their bikes, or crash and knock over 20 other folks and I fall out laughing. That's just my cruel sense of humor...sorry.

And one more thing: What's up with the mention of Landis wearing a black tie? Is it to cleverly parallel mentions of "blackmail?" Black tie, blackmail...MSN editors are so smart...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18705368/

I guess the whole thing is a "black tie affair"...Ha! I guess that makes me smart, too...

road gas and price rage

2007-05-16T08:42:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking that this is evidence of the working observant's mind...Gas prices and road rage are totally linked. Ta da! LOL...

For the past couple of days on MSN [my personal newspaper], there have been several stories covering the country's most "angry driving" states. [Georgia ranks 12th, which I think is a lie! We should be higher up on the list than that!] On the other side, there have been tips on saving fuel and getting the most of your car's fuel economy. The number one way to save gas? "Change your driving habits. Accelerate and brake smoothly." So "they" say. But, as I drove to work this morning, I thought, in Atlanta, you can't "accelerate smoothly" because everyone around you accelerates like Speed Racer. To avoid the dreaded horn of five cars behind you and almost being run completely over by a Mach truck, you must stay with the flow of traffic. And, unfortunately, the flow of traffic is 50 mph on residential roads and 85 mph on the highway. Whoever made up that acceleration rule must not live in a large, bustling city.

So I'm thinking, $3.00+ gas is not helping people and their road rage. $3.00+ gas is making drivers more angry. [And you know what? That little devil that lives inside of me is laughing her head off because she believes that those SUV-toting, Bush-voting Republicans are getting what they deserve!!] People are mad as all hell because they just spent $50 pumping gas into their Ford Escape and now have to race to work because they had to wait behind two cars just to get to the pump with $2.92 gas, versus the station down the street and closer to the highway with $3.08 gas. Thus, road rage "rages" on. And it's hard to change driving habits when people are fighting over gas pumps and having to rush. And cities are getting bigger. More people are driving. Gas prices are rising. And it makes me want to stay home.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18682561/?GT1=9951

engaging in a little vent session to start off my morning

2007-05-15T08:47:00.000-05:00

Good morning, America! For my very first blog entry, I want to say...I broke my memory. No, I do not mean I cannot remember certain things about my past, perhaps because of age or mental refusal to recall. I intentionally broke my memory. I took a hammer and smashed past reminisces. Why? One cliche' reason alone: No one should live in the past, because the past is all gone. We cannot go backwards, no matter how hard we try. So, from this point on, I vow to stare my future in the face instead of daily thinking about what I "should have" done. Life lesson.

I sit at my modest little desk with the keyboard that clacks back and forth when I type because it is unstable. Oh, wait, I just fixed it. Never mind.

I need a new job. And I never thought I'd say this, but it's strictly because my boss is the devil. All of the signs are there. "Does your boss make you feel insignificant, as if your contribution is unneeded or unwelcome? Is your boss unapproachable? Mean? Do you still believe you want to leave your job even after considering chasing a raise of as much as 50% of what you're making now? Do you have benefits that are worth holding on to?" She fusses at me--like one would a child. She goes into her office and pouts when something doesn't go her way (or she storms at me). No one could pay me enough to continue working here. I have no benefits; in actuality, I'm paying the government taxes and ruining my car. That's anti-progressive to getting benefits! Now, one would say I have the "perfect" job. It's my grandfather's company; it's flexible; I don't punch in the clock; I can move around the city; I interact and provide a valuable service to others; I get paid...but I'm inexpensive labor. And did I mention all that driving is ruining my poor Focus?! I'm doing to job of two people (selling and executive assistant). And my boss is the devil!!!

[Sorry. A little vent there...]