Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio, 1851
"Well, Ain't I a Woman?"
"Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?
That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?
Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?
Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.
If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.
Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say."
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
dream-decoders, i need you!
The weirdest, but clearest dream I've had in a long time...
I was meeting my mom at somebody's mall the day before my wedding to my boyfriend. I had some greasy fries, but I only remember eating one. Then...
J and I went to this girl named Leah's house. [I went to high school with her, but we weren't really close like that. I was on her Facebook page yesterday, which may have been why she was in my head.] We sat outside in the car [J was driving] and she came out the house and gave us pink petal to put on our chests [like body glitter]. Then...
I drove out of an entrance instead of out of an exit from some brick building, and rolled over one of those tire damaging strips. Once I noticed the strip [I looked back in my rearview mirror], the tires immediately deflated. [The car went way down with the "psst" sound.] The women who were cops or whatever made me feel incredibly guilty about it [did they laugh at me? Damn them!]. Then...
I was at a church hall/family reunion/funeral something or other with my mom and dad. I never knew what it was about, only that I felt really guilty and sad about something. We were walking towards the back of the hall and my dad told the bodyguard that we were family [or did he say "Boones." I don't remember...]
Weird, huh? Dream-decoders, get at me!
I was meeting my mom at somebody's mall the day before my wedding to my boyfriend. I had some greasy fries, but I only remember eating one. Then...
J and I went to this girl named Leah's house. [I went to high school with her, but we weren't really close like that. I was on her Facebook page yesterday, which may have been why she was in my head.] We sat outside in the car [J was driving] and she came out the house and gave us pink petal to put on our chests [like body glitter]. Then...
I drove out of an entrance instead of out of an exit from some brick building, and rolled over one of those tire damaging strips. Once I noticed the strip [I looked back in my rearview mirror], the tires immediately deflated. [The car went way down with the "psst" sound.] The women who were cops or whatever made me feel incredibly guilty about it [did they laugh at me? Damn them!]. Then...
I was at a church hall/family reunion/funeral something or other with my mom and dad. I never knew what it was about, only that I felt really guilty and sad about something. We were walking towards the back of the hall and my dad told the bodyguard that we were family [or did he say "Boones." I don't remember...]
Weird, huh? Dream-decoders, get at me!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
this is called, "being a very special child."
Sixteen Things to do at 3 a.m. or 12 noon at Super Wal-mart...
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone," 'Code 3' in housewares"....and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..."NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while, and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Go, Pikachu, go!"
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone," 'Code 3' in housewares"....and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..."NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while, and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Go, Pikachu, go!"
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
never touch a black woman's radio
This morning, I'm bobbing to Ludacris on V-103 via Internet radio, and suddenly this crazy press conference cuts the song off and tunes in. I'm thinking it's about the 17-year-old young man who was sentenced to jail for having consensual sex with a 15-year-old girl. They are working hard down here in Atlanta to free him because the bill that forced him to be jailed has expired. Or, something like that.
But no. The press conference was to reveal that Wayne Williams, the man suspected in the 1980's Atlanta child murders, is actually guilty. In the 80's, there was speculation as to whether or not this man was wrongly accused because of his color, and because he had committed a murder at the time when the child murders were rampant.
But he's the right one. Ok. Yes, breakthrough stuff. Utterly amazing, and great work, people. I appreciate that it was all cleared up and gives closure to the families of the slain children.
But they went on. And they went on....and on...fussing with each other as to the locations of certain evidence from the 80's...asking kooky, dumb, and repetitive questions...cutting each other off, pointing, accusing, just wrecking havoc. At a press conference. 16 hours long. In the middle of the workday.
I'm like, where did my music go? Music?
Music?
Music?
Moral of the story: If you want a person to listen, don't interrupt the music! You've been to the prom before...you could cause a riot! And I was already mad that Pandora isn't on today...don't make me come up there!
For a terrific fictional novel on the Atlanta child murders, read one of my favorites, "Leaving Atlanta" by Tayari Jones, writer extraordinaire!!
Oh, yea. And SAVE INTERNET RADIO!
But no. The press conference was to reveal that Wayne Williams, the man suspected in the 1980's Atlanta child murders, is actually guilty. In the 80's, there was speculation as to whether or not this man was wrongly accused because of his color, and because he had committed a murder at the time when the child murders were rampant.
But he's the right one. Ok. Yes, breakthrough stuff. Utterly amazing, and great work, people. I appreciate that it was all cleared up and gives closure to the families of the slain children.
But they went on. And they went on....and on...fussing with each other as to the locations of certain evidence from the 80's...asking kooky, dumb, and repetitive questions...cutting each other off, pointing, accusing, just wrecking havoc. At a press conference. 16 hours long. In the middle of the workday.
I'm like, where did my music go? Music?
Music?
Music?
Moral of the story: If you want a person to listen, don't interrupt the music! You've been to the prom before...you could cause a riot! And I was already mad that Pandora isn't on today...don't make me come up there!
For a terrific fictional novel on the Atlanta child murders, read one of my favorites, "Leaving Atlanta" by Tayari Jones, writer extraordinaire!!
Oh, yea. And SAVE INTERNET RADIO!
Monday, June 25, 2007
ultimate laziness is the number one cause of chronic obesity
Things that make me squint my eyes and ball my eyebrows together...otherwise known as ultimate laziness that I just can't quite figure out, and why America is fat as hell over it!
(1) Universal remote controls: A remote control that makes you sit on your ass and change the channel, turn on the stereo, switch on the surround sound, play the DVD player, turn on the Xbox, tune up the microwave, and make your dog sit and shut up. Why don't you just use the necessary 0.5 watts of energy and pick up your remote for the DVD player to turn it on? Better yet, jog your fat ass and get that Lean Cuisine out the microwave! That's what America's obese now!
(2) I Wanna Ride On the Car: People who put their garbage on the trunk of their car (notice I said "on" and not "in), and ride 0.5 mph to the dumpster. Would it cause so much heartache to simply put the garbage in the trunk? Because, if the garbage slides off the trunk as you make your 80-year-duration turn, it'll take you more energy to jump out, sit it back on the trunk, and drive off again. *Special circumstance: Your trunk is too full, or your trash is funky. Take that shIIt out your trunk (you'll have better gas mileage and tire pressure), or keep your trunk door up! And if your trash stinks like that, you probably shouldn't have eaten that shIIt in the first place. That's why America's obese now, fatty!
(3) Lane Changers and Their Lack of Signal Usage: Um, self explanatory. They're going 50 mph, coming up from behind me, switch to the lane to my left, and fly in front of me...just in time for the light to flip red. Giant braking ensues on both parties. Then they turn right and keep going about their business. Dammit, man! You could have given me the common courtesy of letting me know your ass don't know how to drive! At least give me the signal that you wanted to get in front of me so that I can brake gradually, rather than elevating my blood pressure when I have to slam on brakes to avoid a collision. That's why you're too big to fit in that car. You can't even move your plump finger to flick on the signal. Get out the car and ride a bike, you obsese American!
(4) Swivel Chairs and the Idiots that Ride in Them: Silly asses that have mysteriously glued their booty to the seat of a swivel chair and refuses to walk with their feet, like a normal person. Going from cubby to cubby or desk to desk, 50.0 times a day, scooting their feet like Barney Rubble. The chair is all out in the aisle and stuff. Um, excuse me? You're, like, in the way! Move it! You are not in a segway! You are not in an electrical scooter or any type of wheelchair! You need to move those glutes and calfs and hit that cellulite, with your obese self! Move it!
(5) What Statement Are You Making Here?: Tee shirts to the knees and shorts to the ankles are not cute, young man! So, what are you saying about yourself? I'm hiding my obesity under here! You have on 50 ounces of clothing (because I know guys wear a shirt under their shirts), and you wonder why you're sweating like all hell! Your clothes look straight up lazy, and you look lazy under all of them, with your chunky self! Like the fashion police would say, "You don't get any tickets. Just go to jail." My people, my people. African Americans, lets get it together.
(1) Universal remote controls: A remote control that makes you sit on your ass and change the channel, turn on the stereo, switch on the surround sound, play the DVD player, turn on the Xbox, tune up the microwave, and make your dog sit and shut up. Why don't you just use the necessary 0.5 watts of energy and pick up your remote for the DVD player to turn it on? Better yet, jog your fat ass and get that Lean Cuisine out the microwave! That's what America's obese now!
(2) I Wanna Ride On the Car: People who put their garbage on the trunk of their car (notice I said "on" and not "in), and ride 0.5 mph to the dumpster. Would it cause so much heartache to simply put the garbage in the trunk? Because, if the garbage slides off the trunk as you make your 80-year-duration turn, it'll take you more energy to jump out, sit it back on the trunk, and drive off again. *Special circumstance: Your trunk is too full, or your trash is funky. Take that shIIt out your trunk (you'll have better gas mileage and tire pressure), or keep your trunk door up! And if your trash stinks like that, you probably shouldn't have eaten that shIIt in the first place. That's why America's obese now, fatty!
(3) Lane Changers and Their Lack of Signal Usage: Um, self explanatory. They're going 50 mph, coming up from behind me, switch to the lane to my left, and fly in front of me...just in time for the light to flip red. Giant braking ensues on both parties. Then they turn right and keep going about their business. Dammit, man! You could have given me the common courtesy of letting me know your ass don't know how to drive! At least give me the signal that you wanted to get in front of me so that I can brake gradually, rather than elevating my blood pressure when I have to slam on brakes to avoid a collision. That's why you're too big to fit in that car. You can't even move your plump finger to flick on the signal. Get out the car and ride a bike, you obsese American!
(4) Swivel Chairs and the Idiots that Ride in Them: Silly asses that have mysteriously glued their booty to the seat of a swivel chair and refuses to walk with their feet, like a normal person. Going from cubby to cubby or desk to desk, 50.0 times a day, scooting their feet like Barney Rubble. The chair is all out in the aisle and stuff. Um, excuse me? You're, like, in the way! Move it! You are not in a segway! You are not in an electrical scooter or any type of wheelchair! You need to move those glutes and calfs and hit that cellulite, with your obese self! Move it!
(5) What Statement Are You Making Here?: Tee shirts to the knees and shorts to the ankles are not cute, young man! So, what are you saying about yourself? I'm hiding my obesity under here! You have on 50 ounces of clothing (because I know guys wear a shirt under their shirts), and you wonder why you're sweating like all hell! Your clothes look straight up lazy, and you look lazy under all of them, with your chunky self! Like the fashion police would say, "You don't get any tickets. Just go to jail." My people, my people. African Americans, lets get it together.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
please don't bite me, dog
Is there a such thing as doggie facelifts? Puppy lipos? Canine face reconstructions? 'Cause this poor pup needs something! I came across the MSN story of the newest doggie crowned "Ugliest Dog in the World" a few minutes ago. It's hilarious, but kinda scary. Ever seen "Pet Semetary?" I acutally haven't seen it, but this dog looks like he had a starting role! I feel so bad for this dog.
Why is the dog's tongue hanging out like that? What if it drips? That's just nasty.
It just goes to show you that "ugly" can be a disease. Try telling that to some of these actors out here...
Friday, June 22, 2007
the eddie murphy fiasco headline
Post-workout, endorphin-infused shout:
EDDIE MURPHY IS THE BABY DADDY! Ha! I knew it!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19373567/?GT1=10056
EDDIE MURPHY IS THE BABY DADDY! Ha! I knew it!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19373567/?GT1=10056
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